I am a carnivore and loving it! I never understand the fuss that goes around losing weight. All of a sudden everyone – including that girl from down the street who in my eyes has the perfect body – wants to lose weight.It must be a fashion statement, because I have never seen a fully grown and well groomed African woman opting to rather have a slender, meatless body tone! Ja, thanks to all those models that strut the catwalks in virtually only their birth suits, well-groomed African women now think that this is what signifies beauty.
I do not know about you gents, but in the Omaheke Region, a well-groomed African woman wins Miss Universe hands down! That is the beauty of being a carnivore – meat eating species. Who said all human beings must be omnivorous?
If you work in corporate Namibia, the norm is now that you have to be seen spotting some dieting supplements - peanuts, sunflower seeds or simply Evian water. There is just something about these items that spell ‘educated’, smart and rich whenever you stop every five minutes to take them, or so I am told.
Ja, gone are the days that all you needed to get ahead in this world was a good education, politically correct parents and a well-ironed shirt at all times.
It has now become an embarrassing sight to be seen ordering a pork or beef steak with fried onions and lots of chili at your local eat-out – The kind that would see you licking the excess soup from your fingers!
Ja, Omaheke’s own finger lickin good – no offence to Col. Sanders and his recipe – would now be viewed as being illiterate and so ‘backwards’.
Even if you do not know what the hell it is, just be seen wielding a strange looking can with a relatively unknown brand and smile when somebody asks what you are drinking and say “ just some vitamins, Bro”.
Yeah, my brothers from Erongo - the same ones that are always seen with some Johnson & Johnson baby powder in the glove compartment - have now added these vitamins to the list.
A typical day for these diet fanatics would start off with two slices of whole wheat bread. For my ordinary African brothers and sisters, this is that dark brown bread covered in ‘seeds’ – the one you would strangle your kid to death for if he mistakenly buys it with your money.
The same meal would be complemented with a cup of peanuts and a jar of water - apparently it is good for your system. During breaks, the same person would be taking some funny capsules the size of an orange or sucking on some tablets, which I am told are vitamin supplements. Then there are those funny organisations that sell you tablets which they claim that by taking one equals eating at least 20 apples!
I am not a health expert, but why in heaven’s name should you be eating 20 apples for? Are you running for a Guinness book of Records entry? Hell no, one apple is good enough to keep the doctor at bay.
Eish, whatever happened to the days that you would just eat pap and meat and sip on tea, and that was it? When the midday heat takes its toll, you would sit down for more pap and tea, and again take the same meal for dinner.
I mean, imagine a meat-eating Namibian like yours truly living on such a diet for a month? Yeah, I thought so - it is unimaginable as much as it is impossible! This Herero would die for sure.
In Omaheke, my people would always look at their neighbour’s plate before eating their own - just to make sure he is not left at the short end of the stick! Ask any married woman and she will tell you that a man’s plate has to be filled to the limit – a man’s gotta eat, you know!
So, next time a person tells you she drinks eight glasses of water a day, asked her how her last slave died? Or you can always recite the story of how the Lion King Mufaso would never allow his subjects to come close to his meal of meat!
Until then…
Tjatindi@gmail.com