When you are the last one to know... There comes a time in all our lives when we fail to comprehend the things that are taking place around us. Sometimes it is due to blatant ignorance, but often it is because we simply do not understand why things are happening the way they are. I must admit; I for one have been in many such situations.At time I would peep over the boundary fence that separates my family from that of my lovely single neighbour, Ndamona, and simply fail to understand why she is shouting and ululating to the TV! Have I missed something? What is on the TV that could excite the stern Ndamona?
Mind you, Ndamona is not your average neighbour. She has the legs of Tina Turner, the face of whoever will win this year’s Miss World contest and the mind of my English Linguistics lecturer. As such, she is not excited easily, well at least that is what I have come to conclude after several attempts to get her to even notice me.
I mean, there are only five houses in my street – you got to be literally blind not to know who lives next door to you! Unfortunately, I found myself rocking to the tunes of Smokie’s Living next door to Alice.
Dear friends, have you ever sat for an examination and all of a sudden everyone around you starts using the ruler and tapping vigorously on the calculator, and you have no idea why? You sit there, wondering if there is a sort of new formula that was taught during the last couple of days you were absent from class, or whether everyone has just gone crazy!
In fact, you turn to the cover page of your question paper – just to make sure you are in the right examination room.
At times, you are the first to finish, but everyone around you is still scribbling away on their answer sheets. You sit there wondering if there is a page missing from your set of question paper, or whether you are just too smart for words!
In fact, that is the first thing you think of – “I am smarter than all of these idiots sitting here…”. But then you look closely and realise that Pearl, the girl that knows everything under the stars – is still writing!
Surely you would understand that people like Shafimana, Katoropora and Axarob are still writing – they are supposed to be writing even two days after the “pens down” announcement. But not Pearl – something is amiss! So, to pass time, you start drawing nice smileys for the tutor on the back of the answer sheet while you hope Pearl gets to finish so you could walk out right after her!
I am not one to feel sorry for myself, but at times I am left wondering if my mom dropped me as a baby. You see, when you are in the supermarket and some dude you work with passes by and you get to see what is in his trolley, I always think twice about paying for what is in my trolley.
I am not making any excuses, but what is wrong with buying white bread, strawberry jam (the Huggo''s brand) and some Bonnita butter for lunch.
Eish, but it is not easy with these corporate dudes around - they buy whole wheat bread, tomato juice and some herbs they say contain Omega 3 and some other scientific stuff.
At such times, I simply look the other way and proceed with my purchases as if nothing has happened. When they ask who the purchases are for, I simply smile and say "They are for our cleaner Auntie at the Office. Ja, Auntie Susie is like a mother to most of us…".
I would then give them the biblical version of why it is important to care for your neighbour and to give to those that do not have anything. If that too fails to work, then you tell them where to get off in the most uncompromising voice.
I guess next time I hear Ndamona scream from inside her house, I should probably summon enough courage to go over and in a Barry White voice say, "Look no further, o angel of heaven...your prayers have been answered..."
Until then...
tjatindi@gmail.com